There's an understanding in our society, both spoken and unspoken that places the worth of an individual on what they can accomplish. When your health deteriorates to the point that you can no longer hold a job or take care of your kids and your home as you would like, you may find that you've internalized that belief to your very core.
The very first step to improving your mental health is recognizing there's a problem. You may be feeling a sense of the blues that you can't shake, or a generalized anxiety that you can't control.
Recently, I've found myself contemplating setting some new year's resolutions, even though I stopped the practice some time ago. I've never been real big on new year's resolutions, mostly because I've never been good at sticking to them. They felt rote and arbitrary to me, like if I did them, I was always doing them … Continue reading New Year’s Resolutions and the Art of Setting Goals
Here’s an excellent guide on eliminating boundary crossing. If you commonly feel like you’re being taken advantage of, you probably are and this is going to be an enlightening read for you. What most people fail to recognize is their own culpability in the situation. I’m by no means saying one should stew in their share of the responsibility; what I suggest is that you take responsibility instead, by following the excellent advice below.
It’s tricky. It takes a lot of work and a little courage, but once you manage to sink the first successful fence posts, you realize just how much more manageable life can become when you’re no longer everyone’s doormat. Of course, it’s much easier with the new people in your life than those who are accustomed to trespassing, but you will be pleasantly surprised how much others respect you when you show them how much you respect yourself and begin the regular practice of saying, “No.” If you’re a person living with an autoimmune condition that forces you to guard your energy stores like they’re the last bit of grain on the planet, you couldn’t do yourself any greater service.
“I encourage people to remember that “No” is a complete sentence.” ~ Gavin de Becker
1. Identify current boundary crossers
The first step in setting healthy boundaries is identifying who it is that is the boundary crosser. How does this person make you feel? Most likely, telling this person how you feel will get you no where. They may even get satisfaction from hearing your plea. Remember, it is not uncommon for boundary crossers to be very purposeful in their boundary crossing behavior. This means they often know that they are doing it! If you feel taken advantage of, oppressed or bullied, it is important to make the conscious decision to change how you are interacting with them. Keep in mind, none of this will happen overnight. But, it definitely won’t happen unless you decide with the utmost conviction that something needs to change.
2. Consider how your past influences your present
Were you taught to set healthy boundaries? If…
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It took me a long time to understand why my physical collapse to Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (EDS) caused an equally emotional one that precipitated a total separation from my biological family. Suddenly, I was every bit as angry with them as if I was back there living in the time when I was still beholden to … Continue reading When Family Denies Your Pain